


A Strange Metamorphose

by blodwite



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 18:51:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8679361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blodwite/pseuds/blodwite
Summary: A selection of scenes that explore the changes Hijikata experienced after drinking the ochimizu.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I had planned for this to be more Hijikata introspective than Hijikata brooding over Yukimura, but to be fair she is most of what he seems to think about when not working.   
> Also there might be errors, I've only briefly edited this...

“-jikata-san… Hijikata-san!”

Blinking rapidly Hijikata looked up at the girl who knelt beside him, hands placed on his shoulders. She’d been shaking him, he realized, slim fingers digging into his thin shoulders with a tight grip.

“Yukimura-kun?” Hijikata asked softly, voice gruff from misuse.

Large, wide eyes stared at him with what must have been concern. Slowly the girl in question answered him. “You didn’t answer me, Hijikata-san. I asked you a question, and you just kept staring. I called you repeatedly… and you didn’t answer…”

Tears poured down her face as Hijikata looked on in mute horror. “Yukimura-kun… don’t cry… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m alright, please stop crying.” Gently, Hijikata took her hands, pulling them off of his shoulders and holding on to them. Put him in front of a bloodthirsty enemy anytime and he’d be fine, but place him in front of a crying girl and the demon fukucho didn’t know what to do.

“You’re not alright,” Chizuru shook her head, pulling her hands away from Hijikata and wiping at her tears though they still rolled down her cheeks. “You haven’t eaten in three days, and you haven’t had a proper meal in… since…”

The strong tirade trailed off, Chizuru unable to go on without stumbling on her words. Hijikata knew what she meant, however. He knew better than she did the state of his body. It had been three weeks since the battle of Toba-Fushimi. Since Inoue had been killed and Hijikata had drank the ochimizu.

Chizuru’s lips moved soundlessly, most likely scolding him about over working, under eating, and loosing so much weight. He watched her lips move, but then darkened eyes drifted lower, lingering on the column of her throat. The faint throb of her pulse made his body ache, and Hijikata forced his eyes shut.

Rubbing his forehead, Hijitaka sighed. “I’ll eat, Yukimura-kun.” Opening his eyes, he cleared off the paper work that he had been working on earlier. He’d probably have to redo it since he couldn’t even remember what it was.

“Good, because I’m not leaving until I see you eat. Even a small amount.” A small smile was on Chizuru’s lips as she handed him a bowl of clear broth. She must have made this just for him since he hadn’t eaten in a while. He made sure to return the smile before raising a spoon to his lips.

Ah, now that he was eating Hijikata realized just how hungry he was. Moving slowly, he forced himself to not scarf down the bowl. As much as he wanted to, that would be just as unhealthy for him as not eating was. Although as a Rasetsu he should be able to heal as long as he has the energy to do so. To think that one could suffer from a stomach ache when one was for all intents and purposes a demon was mildly absurd.

The soup gone, Hijikata placed the bowl on the table, only for Chizuru to hand him a rice ball. He gave a small chuckle as he took it from her, grateful for her care.

“How is… do you…. Hm, how are you feeling?” Chizuru asked, brows knitted in concern.

Hijikata paused, lowering the half eaten rice ball. He frowned at Chizuru, raising a brow in a silent question. After stuttering that much surely that wasn’t the question that she had been meaning to ask. She wasn’t going to clarify, looking away from his sharp gaze to blush into her lap.

“I’m fine, Yukimura-kun. Even with working during the day I’ve yet to have a… 'fit'. Though I must confess that the light hurts my eyes. There is no need for you to worry.” He gave her a small smile but she didn’t return it, her face set in a stern frown.

“You’ve not been eating and barely sleeping, there is plenty of reason to worry.” She got to her feet, stepping around him to pick up the tray of food that she had brought in yesterday for dinner that he hadn’t touched. “Kondo-san wanted to speak with you.” With that, Chizuru walked out of the room, sliding the door shut behind her with a soft clack.

\- - - - - - - - - -

The paperwork never runs out, Hijikata mused as he once again sat at his table, ink brush in hand. He had taken Chizuru’s concern to heart and had been eating and sleeping. His complexion was better, and the shadows would be gone from his eyes were it not daylight and he not a Rasetsu.

He had to hand it to Chizuru, it had only been a few days and he did feel better. Physically at least. It was better for his paperwork, and he no longer had to fight sleep during meetings. However, the self loathing and disgust hadn’t left. There was nothing that Chizuru could do for those.

Violet eyes widened as pain suddenly sank heavy claws into Hijikata’s stomach. He was unable to control the first gasp of pain that past his lips, hoping desperately that no one had heard him. Hunching forward, an arm pressed against the pain in his stomach, Hijikata clenched his teeth together. Forcing himself to be quite, though his labored breathing could not be muffled. His free hand found its way to his burning throat just as the door slid open.

“Hijikata-san!”

Chizuru’s voice rang out, loud and jarring to Hijikata’s ears. The girl wasted no time in rushing forward to kneel beside him, warm hand pressed to his shoulder. Pain sliced its way through him once again as her scent floated over him, tugging at the unnatural thirst that grew within him. She was sweet, a warm and spicy scent that he could only imagine on his tongue.

Groaning, he clenched his teeth together as he forced himself to his knees. “Don’t touch me!” Hijikata exclaimed, voice rough and gravely. His chest heaved with each breath, drawing in even more of her intoxicating scent. He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop himself from moving, but Hijikata found that he was leaning towards Chizuru, inhaling deeply. Her throat… the sweet scent was coming from the nape of her neck.

Deep brown eyes looked down at him, wide with concern. He couldn’t bare that stare. Reaching out, he grabbed a hold of her shoulder and pushed her back away from him.

“Get out! Chizuru.”

Chizuru’s soft cry as her backside contacted with the tatami mats brought regret almost as sharp as the pain to Hijikata’s chest. Her shaking of her head in defiance of his orders quickly removed that regret. As did the fresh surge of pain that caused him to cry out yet again.

“Hijikata-san!” She gasped out as she hastily climbed to her feet to try to aid him again.

Enough was enough. There was no way that he was going to bite Yukimura. Kondo-san would not let him get away with that, no matter that he was a Rasetsu having an insanity inducing blood fit.

Hijikata tried to get to his feet, but his body wasn’t strong enough to support him now. His knees would have to do. One foot flat on the floor, with his knee in an almost lunge position, Hijikata scooted forward. Grabbing the stubborn girl by the shoulder he pushed out through the still open screen door with a force that he hadn’t know that he could still muster.

Before he could regret his decision, he slid the screen shut as quickly as possible.

Collapsing right before the entrance, Hijikata finally let the tremors take over. Curling into a ball, he clutched at his chest and stomach while struggling to breath.

Chizuru knelt outside, listening to his pathetic cries of pain until they subsided.

\- - - - - - - - - -

The streets were bustling, filled with people running on errands and chatting. It was bright and hot out, sweat dripped down his back uncomfortably. Hijikata supposed that he couldn’t complain, since he had volunteered to go.

He stood at the front of the small group of 2nd division troops with Nagakura to his left. Chizuru flitted around before them, enquiring where she could purchase certain things and buying supplies that would then be handed off to one of the troops after she bought them.

It would have been a peaceful outing, one done in effort to make peace with Chizuru after that horrific incident several days ago. However, the sun was bright, only he seemed to be able to feel the heat, and the noise and smells of the market place were making him nauseous.

It was too loud. He could hear conversations at farther distances than he could before if he focused, even in this din of mankind. A headache pounded with each tap of a finger against a staff held in the hand of one of the troops at the back of their small cluster.

Hijikata twisted back to yell at the man for what no one else would be able to hear, but paused. The scent of blood under the surface of the skin of a woman who passed them too closely distracted him.

With eyes a little wide, he reined in his composure and faced forward again. Out of the corner of his eye, he noted that Nagakura had his hand resting on the hilt of his blade. Exhaling a soft sigh, Hijikata turned to lock eyes with his captain. He had been trying to express his gratitude at the second division’s captain’s alertness, but judging by Nagakura’s expression his gaze must have been a little sharp. Hopefully not tinged in red, though he could see that his hair was still black.

“I’m a little distracted, Nagakura-san.” Hijikata said softly, speaking cryptically of his situation since the troops, nosey spies, and civilians could not know what they were talking about. Though, even if they had heard the words without encryption Hijikata doubted that they would understand or believe what they were hearing.

A small nod was his response. Hijikata watched his man for a moment more before turning to face Yukimura-kun.

“I know that we’re out here for her sake, I hope that you didn’t do something disgraceful.” Nagakura spoke quietly, but his words were as cold and sharp as the steel of his blade.

Flicking violet eyes to meet Nagakura’s own, Hijikata stiffened slightly. Inhaling deeply, he took a moment before answering, weighing his response carefully on his tongue. “Yukimura stumbled upon something that she shouldn’t have. I resisted the temptation, though I had to physically remove her from my quarters.” A long moment past before a small smirk pulled at the corners of Hijikata’s mouth. “Are you satisfied with my report, Nagakura-san?”

A look of horror briefly contorted Nagakura’s face before the captain gained control of his emotions. He coughed into his hand, before raising his hand to ruffle his hair. “Yes, it’s… it’s quite alright.” Was all he said before turning to yell at some of his men for getting too handsy with a pair of young women who had been flirting with them.  
He’d meant it as a joke, and Nagakura’s reaction had been amusing. Though it was quite unnecessary for all of his men to react in such a fashion when being compared to their vice commander.

“Hijikata-san?” Yukimura asked him as she walked over to him, finally done with her haggling with the shop keep it seemed.

“Yes?” His tone may have been a bit sharper than he intended, but it wasn’t his fault that the girl chose to stand so that he’d have to stare at the setting sun behind her.

Yukimura’s eyes widened, and she stammered out a reply. “You, ah, that is, are you feeling alright, Hijikata-san?”

Sighing, Hijikata shook his head. Not intending that as a reply, rather just an expression of his exasperation with himself. “I’m sorry, Yukimura. It’s just bright out. Have you gotten everything you need?” A question to distract the girl from her concern for him.

“Ah! Yes!” Yukimura spoke more after that, detailing all the herbs, rice, and other essentials that she had purchased with the Shinsengumi’s money. Hijikata heard her words well enough with his newly enhanced hearing, instead he focused on the way her lips moved. Pale forms shaping sounds with a peculiar deftness. Of course, a small shift down was the column of her throat…

Violet eyes met brown as he forced his attention elsewhere. The wide look of realization and understanding that he saw there shamed Hijikata more than he had expected. Turning away from that gentle expression, he walked through the members of the 2nd squad to inform Nagakura that it was time to return home. Hijikata didn’t think he’d be going out leisurely again for a long time, the streets smelled too much like food…

\- - - - - - - - - -

He’d been eating and sleeping, and yet Hijitaka still found it hard to pay attention during meetings. Keeping track of a conversation, even with the many sidetracks and unrelated jokes that theirs had, had never proven so difficult. Hijitaka prided himself on being a good student, he could pay attention to even the most boring of speeches. It wasn’t always the most entertaining, but it was a valuable ability and not everyone could do it.

Yet he found himself slipping, his mind wondering on to other irrelevant things or even simply staring at a fixed point blankly. It was the third time that someone had to ask him a question repeatedly before he answered during the same conversation. At this point Hijikata wasn’t even sure what the Shinsengumi captains were supposed to be discussing this evening.

Sighing softly, Hijikata waited for a lull in the conversation before speaking. “Excuse me.” Was all he said as he stood and quietly left the room, sliding the door behind him with a soft clack.

There was no reason to bother them with his strange, supernatural problems. That wasn’t something that either party felt comfortable discussing. Hijikata didn’t blame them, the consumption of blood wasn’t… comfortable to talk about.

A dull pain suddenly spread through Hijikata’s chest as he walked towards his rooms. Ah, he was glad that he had decided to leave the meeting. Quickening his stride, Hijikata hoped that he would make it to the relative privacy of his room before the hunger drove him to the floor.

Turning a corner, he had to pause, grasping a railing post for support as the pain dug sharper into his chest. Free hand came up to grasp his throat as Hijikata sank slowly to his knees. Chest heaving, with a hand braced on the floor, he could see enough even with his blurring vision to notice that the strands of hair that fell before his face were the white of snow.

Sensitive hearing could detect the sound of footsteps approaching him amidst the cacophony of his gasps and quiet groans. Too concerned with breathing Hjikata kept his head bowed, waiting until tabi covered feet were in his line of sight and she was kneeling before him to figure out who it was that approached him.

“Chi…Chizuru…” Hijikata wanted to tell her to get away from him, but that was all he seemed to be able to force out of his suddenly dry lips. He couldn’t hear her either, all he could hear was the quickening beat of her heart. He needed to tell her. Needed to tell her that this wasn’t like last time. He couldn’t, just couldn’t, shove her away like he had done before.

He hadn’t realized that he was reaching for her until she was already against his chest, tightly held in his arms. Her heart fluttered against him like a small bird trapped in him palms. A small whimper escaped her soft lips as Hijikata grasped her chin, tilting her head ever so slightly to the side

“Hijikata…san…” Yukimura stuttered out and he wrenched himself away from her.

Leaning against the wooden banister, Hijikata writhed in pain under her heavy gaze. Trying desperately to pull in air, he opened his mouth to apologize. However, the girl beat him to it.

Rushing forward, Yukimura knelt in front of him, much too close. “I… I don’t mind, Hijikata! Take my blood if it will make you feel better! I can’t stand seeing you like this… so please rely on me a little!” Tears welled up in her large eyes, but she seemed determined not to let them fall. There was a deep blush in her cheeks, and even in his current state he can detect the tremors shaking her shoulders.

She was scared, he realized, and that washed over him like iced water. Hijikata didn’t think too deeply about what he was doing as he reached out and dragged Yukimura-kun into his embrace once again. She had startled at his sudden movement, going tense, but then limp. She was too afraid of him, of a blood thirsty monster to fully relax in his arms. He was grateful for her words though, more so than she could possible realize.

Hijikata pressed her head to his chest, resting his chin on top of her hair. “Shh… Chizuru-chan… just saying it will be enough for tonight…” He rubbed her back gently as she relaxed against him, grasping his kimono in her fists. She was crying, soft sobs shaking her shoulders. Placing a hand on her back, he rubbed it gently.

Snapping open crimson eyes, Hijikata glared at the shadowy figure who watched them from a distance before they walked away.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Undeniably, Hijikata’s stomach rumbled as his blade ran through the body of one of their pursuers. The vibrant red crept down the blade, the only color that he could see. He hadn’t meant for the fighting to devolve into this kind of bloodshed.

At first, he’d simply been angry. Feeling useless and frustrated, Hijikata had leapt at the troops perusing them in an effort to protect what was important to him that still remained. He couldn’t protect Kondou-san anymore, but Yukimura was before him and he could still lift his sword to protect her.

Even before he first met an enemy blade with his own, his hair had shimmered like snow in the fading sunlight. That he supposed, should have been an indication of his state of being. He had fought before after becoming a rasetsu. He had maintained composure before his troops in large scale battles, where the cloying scent of blood had almost been enough to suffocate him.

This time was different though. He had gone too long restraining himself and he found that he was trembling in desire. The poor soldiers stood no chance as he tore through their ranks, blade quicker than their mortal eyes could follow. It seemed so slow to him however, this moment was dragging on forever…

Red on his hands, in his hair. Heavy in the air. This desire was different from the attacks of hunger he was plagued with every few days. Hijikata couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt, for there was a dull ache in his stomach. However, it was a much more obvious desire. Subtle, like how one felt the urge to have sex, not the desperate pains that wracked his body that made him bed for it to stop. Somehow… this experience right now was the harder of the two to resist.

Hijikata’s mind was heavy, fuzzy even. He was wading through deep water, struggling to stay mentally cognizant of his actions. Moving on instinct was a fine skill in battle, but these instincts would have him just as soon turning on those he was protecting by mass slaughtering these young men.

As his sword slid free of the last fleeing soldier alive, Hijikata paused. He was mostly gone by now. Mind lost in a daze of blood and battle. He couldn’t stop himself as he lifted his sword up, tongue flicking out to run over the blood soaked blade.

His first taste of blood hit him hard. Pain lanced through his body just as quickly as the desire he had seen etched on the blood speckled faces of other crazed rasetsu. It felt good to drink blood, Hijikata shuddered at the thought. This would be harder to resist now that he knew. He could endure just the pain, he could resist the tantalizing smell and taste, but this pleasure would become something that he would crave.

Stabbing his blade into the ground, Hijikata sank to his knees. His was uncaring but very aware of the fact that blood was soaking through the fabric on his knees. With that single taste of blood so much was different to him. He felt as though the remnants of his humanity were slipping through his blood drenched fingers.

Gripping his white hair in crimson hands, Hijikata lifted his head and screamed out his grief to the sky.


End file.
